Better is One Day
Arlene M. Sánchez Walsh
October 1, 2001
My life as an academic began with commitment, descended to alienation, and occasionally soars to elation. Many days I teach, attend meetings, and write with nothing entering my mind or my soul except the mundane— these are the days that l dread. On such days, I have the creeping, gnawing feeling that I am lukewarm and about to be expelled.
I don't fit in here. The academy's hallowed halls hold nothing hallowed for me. I'm here to teach, to serve, and to write—but the real reason I'm here is to be a signpost, pointing one way. But I can't get past my self-imposed restraint, the self-censorship that seems to be the proper way to conduct myself and is often, at the same time, the loneliest way to live.
Some days are better than others—and these are the days I live for. A student approaches me after class and tells me that I have helped him find a church after much fruitless searching. In the sometimes silent code of the evangelical subculture, I see in his eyes and in his spirit that he's found the truth. I can hardly contain myself. Unsure that I can speak freely, I hurry him out of the classroom, somehow hoping to gain immunity from the suspicion that I am encouraging a student's faith. As we head for the train, I am reminded of the promise I made to myself and God when I chose the academy over ministry. "Let me have one, just one and it will all be worth it." One student that I could point in the direction of God, one student who would keep me company. Well, one is what I have. Now its time to retreat.
After twelve years of college, six of those in graduate school, I've grown tired of defending myself. I grow more and more impatient with the parched atmosphere of the secular world. In graduate school, I told ...
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