Extended-Family Values
Why married and single people need each other
Andy Crouch
July 1, 1997
Greg was one of my heroes in high school. A full-time youth worker with a local ministry, he introduced me to the joys of Bible study and prayer. Young and single, he had a lot of time and energy to pour into high school kids like me. His effort paid off: my high school years set me on an irrevocable path of discipleship. Greg—fun, wise (compared to me), and clearly in awe of Jesus—was no small part of that beginning. It was startling, then, to return home after a few years away at college and look Greg up. He talked warily about the complexities of scriptural interpretation and uncertainty of religious knowledge. He was clearly no longer in awe of Jesus, and he didn't seem quite as fun or wise either. Our few brief conversations were strained and increasingly brief. Eventually we lost touch altogether.
Greg's transformation would have been a mystery had I not asked some mutual friends what had happened. The explanation was as simple and complex as human stories get. All along, Greg had had a rather specific bargain with God. He would serve God in full-time ministry, and in return God would provide him with a wife by age thirty. Two years after I graduated from high school, Greg turned thirty—with no wife in sight. The collapse of God's end of the bargain ultimately undid Greg's faith. The last I heard, he had moved in with someone. They had no firm plans for marriage.
It would be easy to turn Greg's story into a morality play. Don't make bargains with God. Beware of sexuality, which has undermined countless ministries in one way or another. Trust God with your whole life. Et cetera. These days, though, remembering Greg (not his real name, by the way) makes me ask a question. In what kind of church could this ...
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