Rabbit Habbit Read Mercer Schuchardt
April 1, 1996
Read Mercer Schuchardt
FROM COMPUTER GRAPHICS to Corporate management, from Batman to Bill Clinton, the world has become a very slick place. Everything has the aura, patina, gloss, shine—and stench—of petroleum. As the paraffin-chocolate-astro-turf flavor of Easter receded from my mind this spring, I began to reconsider one of our slickest characters, the rabbit.
Think about the rabbits in your own life. First you play with Duplo blocks, whose logo is a little bunny. Next you're introduced to some relatively harmless characters like Brer Rabbit, Peter Rabbit, and Benjamin Bunny. Pretty soon rabbits start multiplying all over television, movies, and commercials, and you can't tell Trix from Thumper from the Nestle Quik guy. And how could you?—those rabbits were all pushing the same slaphappy kids product: fun. Little wonder dad called the tv antenna "rabbit ears."
But things get disjointed pretty quickly when you discover that it's the Easter Bunny laying those eggs. " What the hell is this?" you ask, and no adult ever gives you a satisfying answer. An Easter chicken would make more sense—there really was a chicken involved in the execution of Christ, and at least a chicken would explain the eggs. But as a child you're too busy cramming chocolate rabbits down your throat, pretending not to notice or care that all these bunnies are hollow and taste like wax.
The Easter bunny begins to lose his shine right around the time you figure out the Santa Claus thing. Then all of a sudden—blam! The rabbit is back, he's in your face, and he's mad as a hatter. You turn sixteen and you learn how to drive. If you're like I was you learn to drive in a Volkswagen Rabbit. But you quickly discover that the only reason to learn how to drive is to ...
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