Sex Summer 1995

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Recent Christian literature about marriage offers a revealing perspective on the collective mind of American Christians. It is hard not to notice that books on relationships, dating, and marriage are best-sellers at the popular level, and that scholarly work on issues of gender, sexuality, and family is currently in vogue. Beneath these simple facts lies American culture's mighty struggle to find vital personal relationships and its lack of clarity about whether the Christian faith is friend or foe of this quest.

Popular Christian books and seminars on marriage emphasize an entirely predictable set of issues. Marriage "enrichment" programs abound. Pastoral experts talk and write about progressing through various stages of marital intimacy, building "affair-proof or "fight-free" marriages, building your mate's self-esteem, finding personal fulfillment in marriage, discovering how to meet your spouse's needs, learning how to fall in love and stay in love, and so on. This quest for "self-realization" through marriage is probably inevitable in light of America's alarming divorce rate, our culture's rampant expectations regarding personal relationships, and the Christian faith's emphasis on reconciliation and healing. No wonder so many Generation Xers continue to search for a "heart friend" with whom they can snuggle up in front of "Seinfeld" or hang out at the local coffee house, yet remain fearful about marital commitment and realistic (perhaps cynical) about its potential pains.

But the dominant language of enrichment, intimacy, fulfillment, and self-esteem suggests a deep and powerful trend toward a dangerous psychologization and privatization of the Christian faith. American society appears almost compelled to reduce spirituality ...

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