Still Searching Spring 1995

ARTICLE TOOLS

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Evangelical theology used to be a comforting thing for me. But no longer. Increasingly, I'm finding that the theologically correct doctrines offered by evangelical theology don't adequately address the pain of our existence. And I wonder how much of evangelicalism's triumphalistic approach to faith-where God is said to have a ready solution to pain, ambiguity, and confusion-has prevented other evangelicals from being able to engage secular society honestly.

My disillusionment started four years ago after my best friend Scott, a sharp, fun-loving, intellectual man of integrity and deep Christian conviction, shared something with me I had never suspected about him-he was "gay" No, he wasn't having a homosexual affair or frequenting gay bars. Scott is married and has three children. But he wasn't sexually attracted to his wife; he was attracted to men.

For several years we applied the theology we had learned in the evangelical church we attended. We asked for God's transforming power to take away his homosexuality and replace it with heterosexuality. As part of a Christian men's group Scott explored his masculinity and he received prayer and encouragement for initiative, assertiveness, and boldness-all areas that he grew in dramatically. Scott also spent many dollars and hours in therapy working through his relationship with his parents in a sincere desire to be freed from an attraction he was ashamed of yet had felt as long as he could remember.

He only felt worse about himself through this process. His anger and confusion toward God increased as his homosexual feelings remained lodged in him stronger than ever.

After several years of walking alongside Scott through his struggle, I concluded that my scripture ...

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