Finding Confidants
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
Laurence J. Peter
A valuable friend is one who'll tell you what you should be told, even if it offends you.
Frank A. Clark
It's not easy being human and trying to live up to a holy calling. In the face of this mission impossible, a variety of specific problem areas emerge. As we've seen several times throughout this book, one of the keys in dealing with the tensions is knowing when, and with whom, to express the emotions we feel. Finding confidants is vital in dealing successfully with our holy and human vocation.
Yet I know that for a variety of reasons, it's not easy to find such helpers. "I am available to listen to and help so many people," said one pastor, "but there is no one who cares enough about me personally to be there for me."
"In our area, there is a serious fellowship void among evangelical pastors," said another. "It is difficult to know how much trust or confidence you can place in another member of the clergy when you have had little or no opportunity to build a relationship on any terms with him or her. This, coupled with the fact that competition among ministers for a higher 'share' of a community might lead to a confidence's being betrayed, tends to discourage efforts to share confidentially."
"This is a small-town area," said a third pastor. "Although we have a number of churches, the other pastors are either deeply involved in their own denominations or just not all that interested in spiritual formation and growth."
A fourth pastor has been so unsuccessful at trying to find confidants in the past that he now says, "I no longer even attempt to do so. I keep things between me and the Lord."
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