When a Child Strays
Children are strange possessions. We raise them so we can lose them.
M. O. Vincent
Not long ago I was at an informal gathering of ministers when the conversation turned to disciplining children. Two of the pastors got into a spirited discussion about how they were raised — and how they were raising their own children.
"This will sound weird to you guys," said one pastor, "but my dad never laid a hand on me — ever. I remember one instance in particular: we had a long driveway, and when Dad would take his Sunday afternoon nap, I liked to drive the car up and down the driveway. Sometimes, to be cool, I'd open the car door to see where I was going as I backed up. But once I got too close to the house, and I caught the door on the porch steps and nearly ripped the door off its hinges. I remember how frightened I was, but Dad came out, looked things over, and said, 'I think we can fix it.'"
Another pastor said, "That's not the way my dad would have reacted!"
Amid the laughter, a third pastor said, "A few weeks ago, my 11-year-old son was riding his bike to school, and on the way he stopped at the dirt track with a few of his buddies. He figured, Hey, I've got my lunch; I've got my bike; why go to school? By the time he got home, I'd discovered where he had been, but I didn't bring it up immediately. I wanted to see what he would say. So I asked, 'How was school today?' He said, 'It was okay.'
"'What if I knew for a fact that you weren't in school today,' I asked. 'What would you think then?'
"He put his head down and said, 'I think I'm dead meat.' And he was!'"
While we all laughed, I was struck by the different responses parents make to children's misdeeds. Some parents are more authoritarian, emphasizing respect rather than intimacy. ...
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