 |  Tough ministry choices about the right thing to do.
Winter 2003
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Strain of Confidentiality
by Kathy Callahan-Howell
January 1, 2003
Pastor Kathy, can I come over? I have something to tell you," Monica asked. I was glad she was coming soon; such phone calls create a sick feeling in my stomach. Was it serious? Anything I had done?
The phone rang again. My husband Roger inquired about my day.
"Monica's coming over to talk to me."
"What about?" he wondered.
"I don't know."
Soon the doorbell rang, and I let Monica in. We sat on the couch, facing each other, while she played with the buttons on her shirt. Her eyes focused mostly on the floor.
"I don't know how to say this. Do pastors have to keep things confidential like priests do?" I reassured her that I would keep her concern confidential.*
"I've been having an emotional affair. It didn't get physical. Well, mostly not. I'm just not sure if God will forgive me." She raised the ideas of venial and mortal sins she had learned in her Roman Catholic upbringing.
I told her of God's promise in 1 John 1:9 to forgive whatever she confessed. Mildly reassured, she continued.
"Do I tell Keith? Is that part of being forgiven? Do I have to admit it to him? I can't imagine what he will do if he finds out."
I paused. Monica's concerns grew out of her husband's recent expressions and behavior. He had already accused her of being unfaithful. How would he respond if Monica shared her confession? I also thought of Keith's behavior through the years, the comments about other women, the desire to choose the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with the best looking babes.
"No, Monica, I don't think you should tell Keith right now," I said. "I don't think he's ready for that kind of transparency at the moment. You may get to a place someday where you can tell him, but I wouldn't do it now."
Monica looked relieved, yet still troubled. She wondered ...
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