Three Keys to Someone Else's Mind
April 1, 1999
When using our gifts of discernment, sensitivity, and intuition, we may be accused of being too "touchy feely." I don't see discernment in this light at all. I simply believe that every fact is preceded by a feeling. By understanding the feelings, we can anticipate the facts.
Three psychological principles are especially helpful:
1. Everyone is logical, according to his or her base. Originally I thought that anyone who differed with me was illogical. Psychiatrist Alfred Adler straightened me out when he wrote that every person is logical if you know the base from which he began his logic.
Now I realize I must find the other person's logic base. Then I can understand his reactions and predict future behavior.
For example, if a person loses faith, his logic will seem askew to those who still have faith. When despair becomes a base, behavior can change anywhere from immorality to cynicism and immobilization.
Two people can have the same experience yet come to different, even opposing conclusions.
For instance, I used to drive a sports car and enjoyed putting it through the corners. My wife Mary Alice would scream, thinking I was going to roll the car.
Disgusted, I said, "I've done this hundreds of times, and there's no reason to think I won't be able to do it this time."
She replied, "Driving the way you do, it's inevitable that you will crash, and this may be the time." She was perfectly logical; her base was that I was going to crash and every corner brought me closer. I had the opposite base: each corner increased my skill in making the next one.
We were both logical; our bases differed.
2. Dependence can create hostility. Another psychiatrist friend acquainted me with the term "hostile dependence," which has been extremely helpful ...
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