How Exercise Nearly Killed me
If church potlucks don't get you, the fresh air will.
Richard Asmussen
January 1, 1998
You really need to exercise, Richard. You're getting flabby, and your face is puffy. If you want to keep eating like a farmer rather than a pastor, you'd better start getting more physical activity."
My wife, Candy, was preaching the same sermon she had preached a hundred times before, just because I had outgrown another pair of pants.
"I don't exercise," I argued.
"Then quit eating."
"I like to eat. Besides, I might hurt someone's feelings if I don't eat what they offer."
There was some truth in what I said. The favorite activity of Philadelphia Baptist Church, here in the southern Ozarks, was consuming enormous potluck dinners. My, how those ladies could cook! As pastor, naturally I was obligated to sample every dish. I had to admit it was beginning to show—just a little.
"You could start jogging," my wife said. "You can run down the dirt road alongside the church."
Under protest, I donned some old tennis shoes to take my first steps toward a new life of health and fitness.
"Take the dog with you," Candy said suddenly. "He doesn't get out much. And take my horse, too. I haven't had time to exercise her."
Just because we lived in the country didn't mean I knew anything about animals. I was from the city—the big city. "I can't ride your horse!" I exclaimed. "She doesn't like me."
"Nonsense. You just don't know how to handle her. Besides, I didn't say 'Ride her,' just take Appy with you. I'll put the halter on, and you can lead her down the road. It'll do you both some good.''
The adventure begins
I obediently started off down the road with a cheerful dog at my side and a nasty-tempered horse breathing down my neck. I soon lost sight of the parsonage, and the quiet of the forest settled in around us.
Quiet, that is, except for the thunderous ...
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