Questions Pastors Ask (about Abuse)
October 1, 1994
Leadership asked three respected leaders how pastors can navigate the choppy waters of recovered memories: Dan Allender is a psychologist and professor of biblical counseling in the graduate school of Colorado Christian University in Denver. Gary Gulbranson, an experienced pastoral counselor, is pastor of Westminster Chapel in Bellevue, Washington. Louis McBurney is a psychiatrist who founded Marble Retreat in Marble, Colorado, which specializes in work with ministers. Upon hearing about the allegations, what should a pastor do? A pastor's immediate response should be to offer care and comfort. That's the role of a paraclete, someone who comes alongside another who is hurting. The woman making the accusations is obviously in pain. She needs her pastor to believe something happened, even though knowing exactly what happened is impossible. Pastors should say, "I believe that something very significant happened to you, and I want to help you get to the heart of it."
But pastors need to be careful not to fill in any of the gaps.
Who are the critical people needing the pastor's presence?
Once the word is out, a pastor should get with the couples involved, especially the victim and her husband. The pastor has a responsibility to provide a caring context for everyone who's a part of that fellowship.
The husband of the one making the accusations is a key player. He needs to be brought to the place where he can help his wife work through her trauma. Both need to understand that the ordeal involves the two of them.
As a woman begins to deal with her past abuse and then ties it to a significant male in her life, her husband often bears the brunt of her anger. Many husbands won't understand that and wind up reacting to her. So the husband ...
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