No, I'm Not Your Best Friend
There's a good reason pastors and associates don't feel like friends. It's more important than that.
David B. Smith
October 1, 2005
As we drove home from the annual convention, Jim turned to me and said, "Pastor, you're my best friend." I was stunned. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing, keeping my eyes on the road ahead of me. I knew Jim wanted me to affirm him as "my best friend, too," but I couldn't. I was his pastor and his supervisor, but I wasn't sure I could be his best friend. Or wanted to. Jim was my first associate. He came straight out of seminary, bringing a wife and children. He came highly recommended and full of bright ideas. Calling an additional minister was an act of faith for our small congregation, but we were confident the investment would strengthen the ministry. I had great expectations of Jim, but most were soon dashed. I never expected anyone to need so much attention and affirmation. I hadn't found a colleague; I had a new puppy. Likeable and Destructive
At first Jim seemed to work well with others. He was jovial and good-natured. But it became apparent that he had some serious people-skill issues. Soon I was scrambling to put out relational fires that he was setting. On one occasion Jim confronted a faithful and at one time very active congregant. The member's father had suffered with cancer for two years, requiring a lot of personal care. Two weeks after the funeral, Jim told the member that he needed to examine his commitment to the church and get over his father's death. The amazing thing to me was Jim's inability to see that as a mistake. That was his pattern. Another time one of our senior ladies, who headed up our food pantry, came to church on Saturday afternoon to do some straightening of our supplies. She stopped at Jim's house nearby to ask if he could open the building for her. He informed her that Saturday was ...
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