Staying in the Zone
L. Penseur
October 1, 2001
I hope none of you will be too surprised to hear that these days I am feeling very much in the Zone. aqf, the once and future love of my life, insists that I be in the Zone, and so I am—with all the enthusiasm of a burglar with a 'T-bone tied to his neck who has been cornered by a Rottweiler. I figured that if I wanted to stay in her Zone I had better be |in the Zone, si moi comprenez. Therefore I have resigned myself to eating nothing but fats. Maybe you are one of the three or four people in the rq demographic who have not heard of the Zone, the latest, greatest diet to sweep my adopted country. If so, you may be surprised, and perhaps delighted, to hear that the Zone is all about fat. Which brings us back to T-bones, not too surprising since I am writing this essay land get to pick the metaphors. The T-bone is the very center of the Zone, to hear aqf tell it. It is fatty and has lots of protein. Also in the Zone—check this out—is cream. I was recently instructed to no longer drink my coffee with 2 percent milk, and certainly not skim milk (not that there was much danger of that), but only with cream. This after a quart of cream was deposited in the door of my refrigerator. "Why no skim milk?" I asked, as aqf carefully removed eggs from a carton, placing them in those little round holes in the fridge door which manufacturers around the world thoughtfully provide for her, and her alone, as best as I can discover. "Skim milk has added sugar," she said. "It's also light blue," I replied with a shudder. "Did you ever notice that? Alfred Hitchcock once gave a buffet at which he colored everything blue, to test people's gag reflexes, I guess." "Don't go off on one of your tangents," she said with her usual intimidating ...
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