From the Editor
April 1, 1998
Last summer wore on long and hot at our church. A key staff member resigned and founded a nearly identical church a stone's throw away. Ultimately, about 20 percent of the congregation left to join him. Each week I would look around and wonder about empty seats: Are those people on vacation or have they left? To lose good friends hurts. I had to tell my 12-year-old son that he wouldn't be seeing his close friend very often, because their family was leaving the church, too. I was recruited to fill a board vacancy of a member who left, and so I began receiving angry faxes and phone calls. "I shouldn't let them bother me," I told my wife. Later, I decided to grant myself permission to be normal: of course they would bother me. But I resolved not to brood on any call or letter more than forty-eight hours. My resolve was tested. Now, months later, our church has stabilized. I thank God. I also ask myself, What can we learn from the painful conflict we went through? I've begun to form a list. Perhaps you'll find it helpful should conflict come knocking on your church door. Or, if battle has already found you, write and share your list with me. - In general, the more that leaders communicate to the congregation, the less conflict. The less that leaders communicate, the more conflict.
- We all make choices, and some people will make immature choices.
- It's critical to define your unique philosophy of ministry and communicate it clearly to new members. To bend it slightly to accommodate key people is tempting, but you'll pay the price later.
- People need a listening ear and empathy before they need answers.
- Folks who complain about their last congregation will probably gripe about your church in the not-so-distant future.
- Many pray and work for growth in the congregation, but rapid growth also brings problems (brilliantly enumerated by Lyle Schaller in The Interventionist), some of which can cause conflict.
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