WAYS TO SHAKE OFF THE DUST
Steps to putting a forced farewell behind you.
Louis McBurney
January 1, 1993
"This is probably no surprise to you, Pastor, but the board has decided to ask for your resignation." Frank, the board chairman John had always considered his friend, now looked cold and distant. "Well, it is a surprise," John stammered, feeling his pulse quicken and his face flush. "This is the first inkling I've had of any problem. There must be some mistake, Frank!" "No mistake. We expect your resignation at the board meeting Wednesday night. We'll give you a month to vacate the parsonage and three months severance pay. Are there any questions?" There were lots of questions racing through his mind, but John heard himself whisper, "No, I guess not." This not-so-good-bye scenario is repeated in hundreds of pastors' lives every month. Like John, they are often caught off guard and retreat in anguished silence, not knowing how to cope. At some point, however, they must deal with their fear, their sense of failure, their anger. I'd like to suggest an approach for tying up the common loose ends after a painful parting. Coming to closure
"The thing that hurts worst is the feeling of betrayal and powerlessness," John said in our counseling session. "I've given my best years to those people and thought they were my friends. I still don't really know what happened." That bewilderment and lack of closure inflicts the most lasting damage after a forced farewell. The loose ends need to be tied up so they don't get snagged on the next rough surface. Rather than simply withdrawing into angry silence, a pastor can take a more assertive posture, which may not reverse the decision of the board, but may initiate emotional and spiritual closure for the pastor and his family. The keys are overcoming fear and using effective, straightforward communication. ...
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