FACING THE QUESTION OF OLD AGE
Rick McKinniss
July 1, 1991
Randolph Strom had been married to Katrina almost twice as long as I'd been alive. One day he asked me, "Pastor, what do you think? Should I continue to stay in our home after Katrina is no longer with me?" I was certainly the youngest, the least experienced, and the least intimately involved in the difficult choices confronting him as he faced the imminent death of his beloved Katrina. Why was he asking me? Well, I was his pastor. Maturing adults sometimes have great difficulty discussing such issues with their children, and vice-versa. So much is at stake-roles, emotions, finances. Yet often they turn to their pastor for objective advice. I don't see myself as an answer man. Nor do I relish being cast in the role of arbiter in another's domestic decision. Like it or not, though, I find decisions about life transitions are often run by me for my guidance, direction, or blessing. Pitfalls in the process
Giving counsel can be hazardous. Life-passage decisions often are interwoven with sadness, anger, fear, and grief. Sometimes pastors are asked-overtly or indirectly-to make such decisions on behalf of the parties involved. And sometimes a change of living situation isn't the primary issue. During several visits, a widower in his nineties seemed to want me to tell him whether to move out of his house. Yet any suggestions I'd make, he'd quickly shoot down. I finally realized that he didn't want to change his living situation. But he was lonely and enjoyed a pastoral audience to vent his discouragement. After this realization, I started responding to his needs for encouragement without getting hooked into fruitless fact-finding missions about retirement communities. On other occasions, I've felt like a fulcrum in a seesaw struggle between ...
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