THE MINISTRY OF MEDIATION
The fine art of getting people at odds to talk--productively.
Chip Zimmer
July 1, 1990
A Christian couple I know recently completed their divorce. It required more than two years of difficult and increasingly bitter negotiation. Although they tried not to, they wound up in court anyway, and neither liked what the judge told them they had to do. They spent thousands of dollars they couldn't afford on attorneys' fees. Their animosity toward each other spilled over into other relationships. Their once-close families have become estranged, and the couple now communicates only by letter. Sadly, both the fact of their divorce and the manner in which they pursued it have seriously eroded their Christian witness, and each party feels resentment and contempt for the other. Did it have to end this way?
Contrast their story to that of another couple. When I met them, Dave and Sharon had been separated two months. They greatly mistrusted each other as a result of long-term disagreements over money. Dave was used to living on credit, while Sharon paid for everything in cash. During their four years together, this had become such a contentious issue that Sharon had developed stress-related illnesses, which finally caused her to leave. Ten days before they came to me, Sharon had filed for divorce. Each felt strongly about how their finances should be managed. Sharon was also adamant about preserving her health and unwilling to return to a status quo marriage. Yet, just as clearly, neither wanted to divorce. Both believed, as Christians, that divorce should not be an option. "Until now," I pointed out, "it sounds as though you have viewed matters largely as a contest over whose money-management philosophy will prevail." I suggested they consider a fundamentally different question: How can we use our differences over money to strengthen ...
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