Identifying Unfair Criticism
Gene Geromel, Jr.
January 1, 1984
It was one of those rare professional moments. I didn't react nor did I get angry. I just listened as he went on for over twenty minutes. Most of the time his voice was loud and strident. His list of grievances seemed endless: this was wrong with the Christian education program, that was wrong with the way we were taking care of the church. I was at the center of all the criticism. Suddenly, almost in mid-sentence, he blurted out, "She says all I'm interested in is sex." For the next hour we talked about his marriage. The 'issues' that had so troubled him were never raised again. Every pastor has experienced getting 'dumped' on. It is part of the job. Sometimes the criticism is more than justified. But often the precipitating factor has nothing to do with the pastor's job performance. Here are several ways to distinguish a personal smoke screen from a valid criticism. Has the person experienced a recent loss? For instance, the death of a loved one? Unresolved grief often does not rear its head until a year or two after the actual death. Or a recent divorce? Have there been financial or business setbacks? In a parish, a person who has suffered a loss holds a great deal of power. If Margaret lost her husband last year, people will pay attention to her, more attention than if everything in her life were wonderful. People will listen to her complaints even when they don't agree with her. They're seeking to comfort someone who has suffered. Yet she'll interpret it not as comfort but approval. If the pastor even tries to defend himself, then the cry will go forth, "How can a man of God inflict further pain on this poor woman!" If, on the other hand, he remains silent, then there will be those who conclude that she must be right. After ...
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