Serious Fun Fall 2001

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Should we cohabit?

Let's start this article another way. Should we, Valerie and Adam-a student couple who share traditional views about marriage, are absolutely dedicated to abstinence before marriage, and are on track to get married-cohabit while we're engaged?

One more start. Should we engage our college-town community in a serious discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of cohabitation, publicly admitting religious views that seem unorthodox on today's liberal campus, by publishing our query about cohabitation in the campus newspaper?

The answers we chose were no, no, yes. The results of the third choice have been amazing.

Neither of us, at first, had given cohabitation any careful thought. It wasn't the kind of thing a Christian couple like ourselves would ever choose, was it? The topic was beyond our horizons. But soon enough, when Valerie's friends asked her where she'd be living "next year," and Valerie (in Adam's presence) responded ambiguously, "I don't know yet," Adam imagined that Valerie wanted to cohabit (she didn't). Then, when Adam brought up the idea, Valerie thought Adam was the one who wanted to (he wasn't). As a result, each of us seriously considered the option mainly to honor the putative wishes of the other-a scenario right out of an O. Henry story like "The Gift of the Magi."

For a little while we became more and more excited about the prospect of living together-as a mature and responsible couple, why not? We learned how strong the desire to jump quickly to deeper levels of commitment can be, and how easily a couple might take the plunge without thinking through the consequences. Yet however much during this brief period of excitement we wanted to make the decision to cohabit, we didn't feel justified ...

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